Am I really of Mine?

Sometimes I think of My life. Is it really of mine!, my today, is really of mine! Because everything related to me is directly or indirectly affected by others. This is not only happening with me. I think almost every one is suffering from the same. Problem is that this effect of others, is good or bad. sometimes I feel poor to decide it weather this affect is good or bad. I think it very complex to understand this thing. I will explain this thing with an example.

Let's take an example of a boy. In the morning he gets up at 6:00 Am, Because he is forced to get up by his parents. He is not hungry in the morning, but his mother asks him to do breakfast otherwise he would get time to have food at lunch time only because of office timings. So he takes breakfast. Now he has to go office by company bus and it starts at 8:30 AM. Although bus stop is very near to boy's home but boy has to reach the bus stop before the bus leaves. He gets in the bus and reached the office. In office he do work that is given to him. His behaviour is almost what is expected in the office. His lunch time is 1-2 PM. HE can leave the office after 6:00 PM. Now Again He has to reach the bus at 6:30PM. He has to reach home or he has to inform his parents if he he is late. After reaching home he goes to market to buy something. He goes by rickshaw.after buying something he comes back to his home.
Now when boy gets up in the morning on his mother's call or on alarm. he gets up because he may be affected from one of these: 1) His mother's fear 2) his mother's respect 3) fear of office timing 4) fear of getting late for bus 5) fear of not getting time for another task. Now his waking is controlled by his mother's respect or fear and is affected by any of fear mentioned above less or more. Now when He gets ready, he is asked to take breakfast or he do it by himself only. he is not much hungry, but his taking of breakfast is controlled by any of these things: 1)His mother's wish, because she thinks his son may would not have food before lunch if he misses it. 2) his own thinking like his mother's. Now remote control of his getting breakfast is in either in his mother's hands or in office, means his getting of food is controlled by either his mother or his office time. same happens to him in the office. he is controlled by others, he is affected by others.he reaching to bus stop is controlled by people who has decided the bus timings. he gets angry when other do what he does not like. he gets happy when other do something that he likes.

some days before I got surprised when I came to know that I never got angry with some non living thing .I never got angry when I was alone, thinking nothing . I got angry only with some person. and only when that person did something that I didn't like. And that person provoked me to get angry. that person was having the remote control of one part of my mind. anger is a state of my mind , and its control is in other's hands. That is my property, why should it be use by someone else. why can't I have control of my anger. I think it is because, may be, I don't know how to use the control of my anger. I need to learn how to use this control so that other people could not use this control ,this is my property. But one more problem arises that am I thinking right. shouldn't I give the control of my anger to others. If I do this other will keep on doing things that I don't like or that hurts me. is it good? although solution to this problem I have explained in my last post, I am explaining again. when some one do something I don't like. Means other try to press the button of my control of anger, then I should use my theory of maximum enjoyment . if according to that theory enjoyment is maximum when button of anger is pressed ,then it should be pressed. and this can be done if I press the button not other one. If I feel this anger can hurt me and enjoyment would not be maximum. then I should not be angry. I should show like I am angry. yes I will show anger without getting angry. In this way enjoyment will be maximum .

Now happiness. this is also one of the states of my mind. it is also having a remote control. which is the right place of this remote control? should it be controlled by me or others. I think this control helps in maximizing the enjoyment so what matters if it is controlled by me or by other. but doing this doesn't increase enjoyment all time. Sometimes it should not be controlled by others if it decreases the enjoyment- according to the theory of maximum enjoyment. there are many states of our mind. which should not be totally controlled by others. It should be our choice weather it these should be in our hands on in others' hands. Important thing is that how to use our controls. How to not let others to use our controls. and I believe no one can teach me these things. if some one can give me that is only some hint that can cause me to think, that can trigger me to learn this art.

whenever I get excited, this excitement may be of any type. I forget a lot of things in excitement. I guess same happens to almost every person.every forgets a lot of things in excitement. does it mean I should not get excited? I think that is not the solution. I have to learn how to not to forget things in excitation. I have to learn how to use this control of getting excited. whenever some tells me some news. I become happy if this is good news for me and I get upset if I don't like this news. is that news controlling my happiness or sadness. should it be like that? should I give control of my happiness or sadness to that person who brings that news? How do I have to use that control of mine. still I have to learn this use . I have to learn a lot of things, not of others but my own things. My mother taught me how to walk. that is the one of the all arts that can be taught by other person and can be understood. But that is not enough, There are many more arts that other can't teach me. there are more arts that I have to learn by myself. no one can teach me these arts. one can give me hints, not all arts.

In the last I want to conclude. our own controls (like control of our anger, control of our happiness) are being used by others. and we are being affected by them. other can use these controls according to them. we have to learn how to not let others to use these controls. we have been learning a lot of things since our birth. maximum of things, maximum of arts have been taught by others, whom we call teachers. For example our mother is called our first teacher. But only these arts are not there. these constitutes very small amount of all learning. major part of our learning can't be taught by any teacher. these learning can learnt. we have to be our own teacher.